


Rainbow Eyes

by doujinbag



Series: Don't Look At Me With Those Eyes And Tell Me You're Sorry [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: College, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/doujinbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I didn't have the heart or strength to say...</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>A sort-of drabble written from Eren's perspective about pining after Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainbow Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I got sad and bored and this is a thing that happened bye

Best friends since my freshman year of college, inseparable ever since. You were a junior and ready to get your degree and leave, that’s what you said in one of our first conversations. You first found me when I was smoking outside the psychology department and you told me I’d fucking die if I kept it up. I told you it was my first time trying a cigarette and you just snorted. We didn’t even introduce ourselves properly but you didn’t seem to care as you stood there and watched me finish off that cancer stick. (I never told you, but I threw away the rest of the pack when I got home. They tasted bad and lung cancer wasn’t a particularly appealing topic at the moment.)

When I found out your name, I spewed out a thousand revolting nicknames just to see how easy you were to piss off. You merely shrugged and said, “Just Levi is fine.” That didn’t keep you from calling me Rainbow Eyes, though. Leave it to heterochromia to acquire myself a billion strange nicknames throughout my life. But something about the way you said it, the way it rolled off your tongue or how you typed it with a satirical winking face at the end through texts, that never ceased to make my heart stop if only for a moment.

A month after we assumed the title of friends, I casually mentioned my ex-boyfriend. You didn’t stare, didn’t gape, didn’t tell me I was going to hell. You simply said, “I didn’t know you were gay,” and took another drink from your beer bottle. I told you the only thing hetero about me were the chromatins in my eyes and you almost spat your beer out onto the floor.

After my first year of college ended, I spent most of the summer back home with my sister and parents. Ironic how while I was with the people who had raised me in the town that I grew up in, I was homesick for you.

You Skyped me once while you worked on some photography project for your major and cursed so loudly at it that not even having my headphones in could hide the sound of your shrieking from my mother. She just gave me a funny look and didn’t bother asking.

The week before I came back to campus, I met up with some friends from high school and hoped it’d help me forget how much I was missing you. I eventually gave in and couldn’t resist from sending you Snapchats of Ymir’s giant bong or Connie’s large collection of action figures that looked even gayer than me. You told me not to get too high, but I knew you were teasing.

I didn’t get high at all that night, but I fooled you into thinking I did. Fucked up texting + giggling uncontrollably in my Snapchat videos to you = a very convinced Levi Ackerman. As we all know, I’m the world’s largest idiot, and therefore, I thought I could confess some things and blame it on the supposed pot.

I told you how beautiful you are and how much I wanted to “kiss your face”, and you caught on quickly. I honestly wished I was high just to successfully ignore the hesitance I could sense in your short responses. The next day, we both tried to forget and I couldn’t stop internally scolding myself for being a fuckup as usual.

When I got back to you, you gave a small smile and patted my back with a steady hand. “I missed you, Rainbow Eyes,” you told me in a tone more upbeat than usual. I didn’t know what to make of that, so I simply made nothing of it at all.

Soon enough, the new semester was beginning and I was now in my second year of college. I constantly envied how you were in your last stage of hellish education and all you could do was give me a stupid half-grimace.

During the week of midterms, we both should have been studying but instead, we were downing wine straight from the bottle on the floor next to your couch. We watched _Dancing With the Stars_ and you dared me to dance like the people on the screen. I stumbled and twirled drunkenly around your living room and ended up collapsing right onto your lap. You yelped out in sudden pain and started laughing your ass off, holding onto me as you told me repeatedly that you hated me. I looked at you with my stupid _rainbow eyes_ and said, “That’s a bummer, because I think I really fucking love you.” I kissed you and the moment didn’t break until you shoved me away just a little too hard.

“You _know_ I don’t know how to feel about that shit,” you told me harshly but honestly. I left and ignored your texts the next day.

After midterms ended, I pretended to forget about everything and carried on conversation with you just like any normal friends should. We shared your iPod one day as you walked me to my dorm from my psych class and we listened to acoustic songs that almost made you smile. The sky was dark and we were due for rain showers that night, but there wasn’t any sign of rain just yet. You hated the rain, you said. To me, it was the only weather I ever loved.

Back at my dorm, you told me you knew I was faking everything. You said you figured out that I never really got high when I confessed my feelings to you. You knew I remembered the kiss and you knew I was falling head over fucking heels for you. And then you said you felt the same.

But you also liked Petra. And Hanji. And Rico, and Isabel, and Nanaba, and basically every female you knew. I was the only male on the list.

And then you told me that you weren’t even 100% sure about that just yet.

I let it go, seemingly unaffected by it all. But I _was_ affected, I was fucking affected. You never knew.

I smoked a cigarette for the first time in a year as I stood outside my dormitory building and you weren’t there to tell me to quit it. You were working on your photography project with Rico. I then realized that I wasn’t the main center of your attention and tried to let it go, but my pride got the best of me and I smoked the rest of the pack out of utter disdain.

We went to some bullshit party together, you and I, but once you started talking to Isabel, I lost it and went off to find my ex. I made out with Jean _hard_ against the wall right as you walked past and I prayed you were jealous.

At 11:11 one night, you told me to make a wish, so I did. I told you it was for concert tickets, like always, but that was yet another lie I told you. I wished you’d just fucking love me back.

It’s nearing the end of May now and you’re going to be graduating from this damn university. Already in the works of opening your own photography business, how thrilling. I should model for you sometime, you tease me. Put my pretty rainbow eyes to good use.

But you see, the only purpose my eyes can ever serve me is to look at you, and it’s only getting harder to do that every time I see you kiss someone who isn’t me. Maybe one day I’ll be able to stop looking altogether, but sadly, today is not that day.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
